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How to be a Dick on Twitter (Comics Edition)

12 Feb

Fans! Creators! Are you merely annoying on Twitter? With a little time and effort you can be a full-blown asshole if you’ll just follow these handy guidelines:

Fans!

  • Be entitled. Make sure that other fans, retailers, publishers, and creators know every little opinion you have about the comics you buy, the comics you are thinking about buying, the comics that are completely hypothetical.
  • When addressing creators, be sure to prove your bona fides by demonstrating that you have been reading comics a very long time, and you know exactly how the latest storyline/costume design/whatever should be executed. Warn them that any deviation from this plan will lead to you walking away from comics forever.
  • Alternate between being condescending and sarcastic. Begin sentences with phrases like “um, actually” and “I wouldn’t expect you to know this, but…”
  • You are paying a creator’s salary; they owe you. Make sure they know that and if they ignore your tweets, call their attention to it repeatedly. If the creator seems annoyed or asks you to stop, be sure to call them lots of names and even threaten them so they know their place. If they block you, create a new account and repeat.

Creators!

  • If you work for Marvel or DC, spend most of your time promoting your company’s titles and being Really Excited about upcoming stories and assignments. As far as you’re concerned, no other comics (or worthwhile topics) exist.
  • Be sure to cultivate a clique of your friends who also make comics. If someone else directs a tweet to you, complain often about how the great unwashed dare to contact you even though your account is public.
  • You’re famous! People need to know what you think about everything, especially if your opinions are about how women should dress, what’s wrong with the government, how the internet should work, whatever, whether you have an informed opinion or not.
  • Or, you’re not famous! Be sure to suck up to those who are, ask them to retweet links to your Kickstarter/webcomic/blog, add your two cents to exchanges they’re having with other creators. They’ll remember you when it’s time to pick who gets to come to the Secret Comics Meetings!

You’re welcome, Twitter!

Two-Word Review of the New Comedy Series “Guys With Kids”

13 Sep

Baby formula.

“Bossypants” by Tina Fey

18 Jun

Funny and sharp in several senses of the word, Tina Fey’s autobiography alternates between anecdotes of her theatre and television career and the larger lessons that she has learned from them. Much like a typical script for 30 Rock, it is filled with throwaway gags and asides that coming from anyone else might seem too clever; but from Ms. Fey, charming.

The theme of how women are treated in the entertainment industry runs throughout, and who better to discuss it than an alumnus of Saturday Night Live, which has been a locus of the “are women funny?” battle for decades. Fey relates two key moments in this regard: one where it was decided that Chris Kattan in a dress would be funnier than a female performer, and one where Amy Poehler told a male castmember that she didn’t give a fuck if he liked something she said or not. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig and others have led a charge where female comedy performance is more and more accepted by the studio and the mainstream audience.

Fey is good-humoured and realistic about the fact that being backed by the likes of Alec Baldwin and Lorne Michaels has helped her series 30 Rock; but she also hopes that as her own career matures, she and her contemporaries can enter the highest positions of power so that a female performer can be seen as useful after her ingenue days have passed. I hope so too. Hollywood needs all the genuine talent and creativity it can get.

The Searchers, May 2012 Edition

3 Jun

Hey all you knuckleheads, as I write this the site just passed the 4600th hit mark, most of which have happened in the last few months when I decided to start posting more frequently (and hopefully more intelligently). As regular readers know, I enjoy tracking what brings new readers to the site, so here are some of the more entertaining search terms from the last 30 days:

sims snowboard girls
perspective of bed
slut game of thrones
guys spanking guys
iron man andy lau funny
fun punishment
cute 8-bits
seth great northern brotherhood
hot vampire woman
creepy drawing ideas
school on ski girl
films like hancock
was claire danes in vampire diaries
korean love scene drama 2003
joss whedon Watchmen was Ozymandias gay
suzanne collins vs. tolkien

There are a lot of others, all pretty reasonable compared to the above and many of them related to Joss Whedon, so hi to all you Joss fans. I think my favourite this month, though, is “scott marshall fraud”. Looks like you got me, whoever you are. Thanks as always for reading, I’ll be posting some punishingly fun stuff over the summer.

Simpsons Did It

5 Apr

I was walking in the North End of Saint John this past weekend and walked by a street called Frink. Which naturally made me think of the Professor from the Simpsons, which in turn reminded me that Frink is based on The Nutty Professor – not the Eddie Murphy version, the Jerry Lewis version. And I thought to myself: The Simpsons was originally created by guys who are well into their 50s now. They thought basing a character on Jerry Lewis was funny, and it was, and still is, but if there are any kids discovering The Simpsons now, they have no idea what many of the original references would be.

Quick, what was Richard Nixon’s middle name? Milhouse. What cat and mouse used to actually blow each other up on Saturday mornings? Tom and Jerry. What clown actually had a live TV show for kids that included variety acts and cartoons? Bozo. Matt Groening and his generation would have taken all of this, and the American nuclear family sitcom – pardon the pun – for granted. Today’s kids have Modern Family, making The Simpsons look increasingly like a time capsule of pop culture and American history.

I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. ;)

The 39 Steps

24 Mar

I had the pleasure of attending the Saint John Theatre Company’s production of The 39 Steps this afternoon. I knew approximately what the plot would be, having seen the old Hitchcock adaptation of John Buchan’s story, and I knew it was a relatively recent script that played the material for laughs. As my old high school English teacher taught me, we laugh for a variety of reasons: out of recognition, surprise, nervousness, delight, and maybe sometimes a bit of cruelty. This production of The 39 Steps made me laugh for all of those reasons, combining a smart script with physical comedy, shadow puppetry, and an ingenious set that creates a theatre within the theatre.

Local improv veterans Scott Thomas and Keith Dickson play at least a dozen roles in support of leads Neil Bonner and Sandra Bell, and the entire cast makes a physically demanding production look easy. I was particularly impressed with the sequence on the train, where three large steamer trunks, special lighting and impressive miming create the excitement of a chase inside and out of the train car. There are many amusing nods to Hitchcock films and the British stage, which Bonner and Bell are well-suited to depict, succeeding in the difficult task of being the nominal “straight men” of the cast while still performing some very absurd scenes. Tonight is their closing night, so it is a bit late for me to exhort the uncertain to attend, but I am glad I did not miss it.

21 Jump Street (****)

21 Mar

My expectations were low for this. I had no attachment to the old TV series, no particular love for stars Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum, and the trailer had a few laughs but as usual, nothing to indicate the true nature of this film. I was not going to see it at all, in fact, until Scott Pilgrim creator Bryan Lee O’Malley tweeted that everyone should see it because it was written by one of the SP film writers and directed by the co-creators of Clone High, Phil Lord and Chris Miller. Lord and Miller also did Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs (hilarious) and the voices of Principal Scudworth and Mr. Butlertron.

Let me just repeat that. The 21 Jump Street movie is directed by Principal Scudworth and Mr. Butlertron.

So I went, obviously, and was not disappointed. This film is incredibly funny, and Channing Tatum is a very pleasant surprise as a comic actor, playing a former jock confronted with a school where that means nothing. The script is filled with jokes and gestures and little details that you might miss if you aren’t paying attention. It is well-paced without feeling rigid, flowing naturally through the structure of a police procedural while taking detours to comment on TV cop shows, high school, buddy cop films, and more. The cast is brilliant, with Hill and Tatum supported by Ice Cube, Rob Riggle, Chris Parnell, Ellie Kemper, and Brie Larson. There are some nice cameos as well, such as that by Johnny Miller (Scott Pilgrim’s Young Neil).

21 Jump Street is the first great comedy of the year and the best I have seen since Scott Pilgrim. Last night’s shows were packed and I wound up having to sit in the front row; I didn’t care. I would do it again, gladly. I hope that word of mouth for this film is spreading and that the sequel teased in the very last line by Ice Cube becomes a reality.

Just Spitballing Here

13 Mar

I was just reading about how there is a fan movement to change the ending of the latest big-deal video game, Mass Effect 3, because some (many?) players did not like it. On one hand, as a writer and spoiler of all that is good, I want to say “tough shit, eat your darts and like it.” But then, this is an industry that has employed the player-determined ending (or at least the appearance thereof) to good effect, having multiple endings available depending on player choices. Some might feel that this makes games inferior somehow to the One Vision that we must deal with in a film or (most) books.

Thanks to today’s easy access to professional grade authoring tools, however, fans are creating their own versions of pretty big franchises, from the Jane Austen mashup novels to Topher Grace’s new edit of the Star Wars prequels. Which makes me wonder if perhaps I am looking at this all wrong. I should be looking at this as an opportunity to go back and improve some of the films and books that I can’t stand. For example, my version of The Notebook will end with Gena Rowlands looking James Garner dead in the eye, saying “I know exactly who you are, Duke, and I never loved you. Now fuck off.” Garner has a heart attack and dies as she gets out of bed, checks herself out of hospital, and gets into a waiting car. The driver is Ryan Gosling in a scorpion jacket.

Open Letter to Vic Toews

22 Feb

I signed a petition recently addressed to Vic Toews, a Canadian MP who is championing legislation that would allow law enforcement to obtain a lot of information about private citizens’ internet usage without obtaining a warrant first. His office sent an automated reply listing myths about the bill and trying to justify it. My reply follows:

Hi Vic,

Thanks for your reply. However, I still don’t accept your responses as reasonable compromises for so-called safety. Furthermore, I resent you wrapping this intrusive legislation (and yes, gathering people’s IP addresses and ISP information is intrusive) as “Protecting Children from Internet Predators”. We have a due process of law, a system where law enforcement must prove to a judge that this sort of intrusion is warranted.

Vic, I think this entire exercise is political grandstanding on your part, your own little branch of your boss’ attempt to push through an expensive and unnecessary crime bill. I’m sure you and your people and your party also have good intentions – at least I hope you do – but we have bigger problems in this country than the crime rate (which is in decline, have you heard?)

If you really want to do something about the internet that would be of value to Canadians, you might want to consider making it more accessible to remote communities; to investigating the pricing policies of major ISPs like Bell and Rogers; and campaigning against proposed changes to fair use and copyright laws that keep content out of the public domain. If you really want to do something that benefits children, take a look at the state of education across the country. Do schools and teachers have the resources they need? Do kids have safe places to play in every city? Are arts and recreation programs well-organized and -funded? If you take a moment to investigate any of these questions I bet you will find room for improvement; places where you can really make a difference as an elected official of the Canadian people instead of your grandstanding.

It’s not too late to do the right thing, Vic. I know it’s hard to admit when you make a mistake, especially when the eye of the media is upon you. I hope you have the integrity and sense to do something that actually matters while you are in your position of privilege.

Scott Marshall
Citizen of Canada

If you want to write Vic’s office, his email address is vic.toews.c1@parl.gc.ca.

A Month Passes

9 Dec

Oy, what a slack blogger I am. Work has been busy, life has been busy, what else is new. So, here’s an update on some stuff.

Movies. I just got in from seeing The Muppets (***1/2), written by and starring Jason Segel with Amy Adams and the usual cast of Muppets that you would expect. It is a perfectly charming reboot of the movie franchise told  from the point of view of a Muppet called Walter who grew up with the TV show and looking for a place to fit in. There are some Muppets I would have liked to see more of, and the plot is nothing new, but the script and performances are very good and overall the film was better than I had expected.

In Time (**1/2) is a solid SF film starring Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried, about a world where genetically engineered people can live as long as the time counters on their arms allow. The world has replaced currency with time itself, and if your clock runs down to zero, you drop dead instantly. The plot takes a back seat to the production design and a few interesting twists; the film reminded me of dystopian SF films from the 60s or 70s, like Fahrenheit 451 or The Quiet Earth.

Sleeping Beauty (***) is a creepy and fascinating tale of a young woman called Lucy (Emily Browning) who deals with the tragedy and pressures in her life by slowly getting into the sex trade; at first serving wine at parties that would be at home in a Kubrick movie and then as a participant in a very particular form of prostitution where she is drugged and sleeps through whatever the client does to her – which is anything they want as long as she is not penetrated. Not for the faint of heart or narrow of mind.

Bellflower (***) is a stylish indie movie that mixes a twentysomething relationship film script with Mad Max, with surprisingly pleasant results. It doesn’t look like it cost a lot to make but they really made the most of their production design, practical effects, and photography in addition to an unusual script and cast.

So much for movies. The fall season is over in TV and here is what I look(ed) forward to watching the most every week:

American Horror Story. Creepy, audacious US cable series about a couple that tries to repair their strained relationship by moving to Los Angeles from Boston. Unfortunately the bargain dream home they purchase is a famous “murder house” that gives new meaning to the word haunted. Each episode tends to focus on how one of the ghosts in the house came to die there – and maybe how a new one gets added. The best new show of the season so far.

Community: easily the best comedy on television in years, perhaps too smart for its own good as its continued low ratings have driven it into indefinite hiatus. Its third season started a little slowly but it quickly recovered with some of the best episodes yet, most notably “Remedial Chaos Theory.”

Happy Endings: another excellent ensemble comedy, basically an update of Friends but with better scripts on average and no tiresome relationship arcs (not much, anyway). They get away with some surprisingly dirty jokes for primetime.

The League: still another excellent comedy, theoretically about a group of friends and their football pool, but actually about men and their relationships, mostly with other men. I get the impression that there is a lot of improvising going on in the average episode, and there are definitely a lot of good callbacks.

South Park: their season is already over, and maybe it seems strange to list a show that has been on for 15 years, but South Park is still extremely funny, topical and brave. Their animation sucks, always has, but the quick turnaround on their production allows them to stay topical.

Hawaii Five-0: impressive, slick action series that kicks ass every week like a well-oiled machine. Adding Terry O’Quinn to the cast was a welcome surprise.

So those are the best. Honourable mentions go to Hart of Dixie, New Girl, Revenge, Suburgatory, Person of Interest, The Vampire Diaries, Burn Notice, The Walking Dead, Dexter, and Homeland; they’ve all been pretty good in their own way this year.  Less impressive are Terra Nova, NCIS and NCIS:LA, The Secret Circle, and Supernatural, the latter of which is particularly disappointing because it used to be so good and now it is just kind of OK.

A couple of pleasant TV discoveries since I last wrote. The first is the UK channel Sky1′s adaptations of the first two Tom Thorne novels by Marc Billingham, “Sleepyhead” and “Scaredy Cat”. I picked up one of the later novels in a bus station one day after seeing a cover blurb comparing Thorne to my two favourite detective series, Colin Dexter’s Inspector Morse and Ian Rankin’s Inspector Rebus. I don’t know that I would make the same comparison but the book is certainly well-written and compelling, and the films well-made. Check them out if you get a chance.

The other discovery is a History channel “reality”/competition series called Top Shot, which as you might expect is a series about marksmen. I am nearly done season two and I believe season 3 is in progress. Each season pits 16 marksmen against each other in a different competition each week using different weapons, usually firearms but also primitive weapons, bows, and so on. Many of the competitors come from a military or law enforcement background, some are world shooting champions and some are just very talented amateurs. The photography and editing remind me of Top Gear in the way they build tension out of what would be a pretty mundane thing to watch live, and as a bonus the show manages to avoid a lot of the manufactured drama that drives a show like Survivor. Speaking of, Top Shot is hosted by Colby Donaldson.

I think that will do for now, next time I will post about books and comics, and video games if there is time, and then as the end of the year approaches it will be time to figure out the annual top 10 films list.

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